please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
