Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
