I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am available for nakedness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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