what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize