So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
