Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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