i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
