we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
