are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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