i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
