Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
