If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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