My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
They took my balls.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
