Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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