If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
