drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
