i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
