I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
