Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She bit a glass in half.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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