I wish I only lived at night.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Four minutes until I can fart!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
