My friends, they love my intelligence
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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