he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Less talking, more tequila
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize