just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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