I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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