she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
