There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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