i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
