Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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