How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
