i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
