Pants 0. Shit 1.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're a waste of cheezeits
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
