I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
