He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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