It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
