This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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