Can Purell be used as lube?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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