So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
