every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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