You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
