I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The air was thick with penises
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize