So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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