I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
