Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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