he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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