she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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