it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
