Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
