no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
