My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Less talking, more tequila
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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