how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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