I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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