Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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