just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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