I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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