i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
