Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
