Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize