Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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