The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
